county highway 73

i'm driving.

faster than i should be.

like i'm out to prove something.

and tonight it's my hope

all roads don't lead home

because home is where it's hardest

as to where my heart is...?

check the glove compartment.

inside there's a note

inside there's red letters

and the last words she said

hurt worse than this head

still pounding

like this heart still sounding the alarms hoping they'll be loud enough that i can't hear You talking God

i'm part

of a world

that cannot be fixed

as if it even wants that

i'm part of a song we've forgotten to sing

i'm part of a dream but we've cut off our wings

making angels like icarus

turning saints into hypocrites

and if there's a difference

it doesn't matter because we care so very little about what might matter

and that's the question of You

and i don't blame us because i'm part of a world that's too timid to reach out and feel

as You dawn on us, we're asleep at the wheel

and the radio dial steals the conversation that each of us should be having

with the unempty space a million miles away in the passenger seat.

it's not something glorious.

not urgent

nothing burning on our lips to say

it's just that we'd pray for anyone but ourselves

holding out til' we hit something.

that magnificent crash

we collide with the fact

we're not alone down here

and if only we could handle that we might drive more cautious

might try more honest at maintaining conscience.

unconcious, we press on hoping at the end of this trip

there's somewhere to rest because

we. have. not yet. rested.

we are part of a world too tired to fight for itself anymore.

and we cannot trust these dotted white lines where to drive anymore

and though we can't see further than the end of these headlights

that's not an excuse to not look anymore

so i pull over

stop for a moment

knowing no one else does this

because everything is urgent

but nothing is permanent

but personally, that's a confused dichotomy

but honestly, You've been pulling at me for hours

and i cannot get the music loud enough

or the silence think enough to drown You out.

because i know i'm not the only one who sometimes looks in the rearview

and could swear that i see You in the back seat

haunting me

but it's dawned on me that with the voice in my eyes

i can't scream at the skies

and not believe in You at the same time

i cannot claim there's no celestial Giver

while resenting You for what's been taken away

and i just wanna pray some silent song of surrender

knowing God that You took her home for a reason.